<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>DnD Awakeners Apparently-Not-Oneshots by orphan_account</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263463">DnD Awakeners Apparently-Not-Oneshots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons &amp; Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons &amp; Dragons - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Breaking the Fourth Wall, Deku On A Leash, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fluff without Plot, Gen, Homophobia, Im having way too much fun, Lemon, M/M, MikuBinder!Charity, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other, Platonic Cuddling, Racism, Shameless Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:22:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Im gonna be real with you there is a lot i cant remember from our sessions so please correct me when im wrong</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Briggs/Riggs, Ceasar Dote/Zalyver, Ceasar/Riggs/Biggs, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Gloria/God, Hunter/Ceasar Dote, Hunter/Kehlani, Jupiter/Ceasar Dote, Jupiter/God, Jupiter/Zalyver, Lina Tang/Briggs, Lina Tang/Ceasar Dote, Lina Tang/Jupiter, Lina Tang/Kehlani, Lina Tang/Riggs, Maurice Flitz/Charity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tri-weekly updates uwu</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>sorry i just gotta make sure my tags dont randomly disappear</p><p> </p><p>please leave requests in the comments</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Someday, Somewhere Somehow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hungeery</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im listening to steven univers lofi so pardon the title</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“ Can you hoes please go plick up some food im so sick of kehlanis inn food i want substance” Jupiter said, pointing to Ceasar and Lina. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do i have to do it??” Caesar protested</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“because im a midget and by the time i get back itll already be the next day” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then why cant hunter do it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Becase i-” Jupiter looked over at hunter then reached up to cover his ears “because im gonna try getting some information out of him about all his wanted signs and criminal presence. He’ll be less likely to talk if all of you are here “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ceasar stop arguing and lets just go” Lina said, already standing up </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lina was getting impatient and just picked up caesar bridal style and started out the door. The elf thrashed angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god put me down asshole i can walk” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>THen lina just dropped them, on the grond, it hurt a lot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then act like it” She said without looking back to see if the caesar was ok. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caesar grumbled something probably racist then jogged to catch up with Lina.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you even know where your’re going?” they sneered</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>God: roll for insight</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lina: 4</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Caesar: 18</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“......no”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ you were just gonna let me follow you  until we get lost??” caesar groaned “okay well the only place we know serves good food is riggs and briggs’ place so lets just go there”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lina smiled and sped up her pace “well we should hurry up then we cant keep jupiter and hunter starving.” Lina grabbed caesar’s hand to make sure they were keeping up. Caesar looked down at the hand and suppressed an “uwu” before being yanked into a full fledged jog. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They jogged for half an hour before Lina got visibly irritated</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you so SLOW???” lina complained</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHY ARE YOU RUNNING??????” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“BECAUSE IM HUNGRY!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘BULLSHIT YOU JUST WANT TO SEE THOSE WEIRD INCESTUOIS BROTHERS” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This arguing went on for another hour before the two finally arrived at the pub bar restaurant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… dont think i can do this” Lina said hesitantly at the door</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lina please dont make this mission any longer than its already been….” Caesar said in something close to a whisper</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘What if they still dont like me? What if they dont like that im half-orc?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They probably dont” caesar opened the door to establishment and walked in</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my welcome to our fine little establishment” briggs says, clearly under the influence of drugs or magic “how can i help you two?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ can i get a Chilled Chick-fil-A® Nugget Trays</span>
</p><p>
  <span>$29.00/ea.**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chilled tray full of bite-sized pieces of boneless chicken breast, seasoned to perfection and cooked in 100% refined peanut oil. Available with your choice of six delicious sauces. Requires at least 5 hours of advanced notice to prepare. Please” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on cue riggs comes out with the tray of cooked nuggets</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th….. thank you riggs…..” lina stutters “you look very handsome today i-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caesar shoves a nugget in lina’s mouth “okayyy thank you so very much guys, you know what i think i hear my friends calling its time to go okay see ya love ya” They say, grabbing Lina’s hand and heading for the exit before lina can say anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now hold up there fellas,” Briggs calls out “Yall have to  pay for that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Of course!” Caesar begins to shuffle through their backpack“How much is it gonna be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten gold” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When caesar finally fished out their money pouch, it felt a bit light. They opened up the pouch and emptied the contents to find nothing but a piece of paper with a scribble of jupiter’s face on it and a small note that says “took ur money to buy a sickle, thanks”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my GOD” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Briggs raised an eyebrow</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We uh.,,.,,,.,.,.,,, we dont have any money” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“we </span>
  <b>
    <em>what?</em>
  </b>
  <span>” lina snapped out of her infatuated trace and looked back to caesar </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The midget took all of my money to by a sickle” they said through clenched teeth </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do you always just leave you house without look to see if you have money or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HEY! At least i have money!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every. Single. Thing. I. owned. Was. burned. Down” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You use that excuse a lot!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the HELL do you want me to say??????”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, do yall have the money or not?” briggs asked, fiddling with his comically large mustache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhm…. no” caesar hesitated.. “But we can pay you in a different way!” they said, pulling a fiddle out ther bag “im a great singer!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no, we want a </span>
  <b>soul</b>
  <span>” riggs talked for the first time in a while</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Youre gonna kill us?” Lina stuttered </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! No! Were only goin to kill one of you! The other will have to pay with one tender handholding session!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say no more,” lina said “kill the elf, ill hold your hands!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No wait lina we should make a better agreeme-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was too late. Briggs raised a magical hand and...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rocks fall. Caesar dies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now for you my beauty,” Briggs says, placing an outstretched hand to Lina’s chin “take my hand, lets enjou each other’s presence for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lina lets out a warm giggle and feels a blush rise to her face as she holds the hands of both briggs and riggs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the best 10 minutes of her life and she had no idea how she’d explain caesar’s disappearance to the rest of the group. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Poetic Justice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the awakeners had one more mission...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>((After the end of our DnD campaign))</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow we did it. We are finally free from this painful journey.” Lina cheered, with tears welling up in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is it!” Hunter smiled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Its really over” Jupiter whispered “And we finally got rid of that stupid elf that cried a buch im so happy she’s dead now”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys… wait… we’re missing something…” caesar said</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” The rest of the group said </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“.......”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...................................”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...............Gloria.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And all at once, the now retired awakeners hopped on to a boat they can actually afford, sailed across all seven seas until they made it to the island that Gloria lives on ((i do remember the name i swear its just quarantine im sorry))”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is that old bitch?” Jupiter growled</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The now-turned-good gang ransacked the whole island until they found the elderly woman hiding in a cave with nothing but a bad attitude and a short sword.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GET HIS ASS!” Lina yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And all at once, this group of great heroes mercilessly attacked and killed a level 10 blind old lady in a cave under an island.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peace was restored. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Free Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What does the cast of Seinfeld do on their free time?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>is this fanfiction if you yourself controls the charters canonically?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>jupiter had to sleep outside kehlani’s inn because she kept walking around pants-less. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it was a strange sight seeing a little elf sleep fight on the side of the road</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. but at what price?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>jupiter's consciousness makes a confession</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“now to see who was behind the hood all along” hunter said, and ripped mars’s hood straigh off</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the whole cast stood awestruck and homestuck at the discovery, even god herself coudnt believe it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No freaking way” god echoed, nearly killing eveyoen in the game</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“it cant be..” lina cried</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that….” caesar started</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“THE MARKIPLIER????” oh my gish it was markiplier in the flesh. he was the one who kidnapped and trafficked all the elves. who wouldve thought? not me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello everybody, my name is markiplier and welcome to entire racial enslavement” he said in his deep chocolate voice</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“mister marcus plier…. but why…” jupiter croaked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yo ruined it for your whole race jupiter….” mark avowed “you were the one who read all my mpreg fanfiction… you were the one who bookmarked all that septiplier fanfiction in the 7th grade! It was you! And now youre whole race will feel my wrath!!!!!” he opined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Markerplier please- you dont have to-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And now as punishment, every single teleporting elf will be required to read markiplier x undertale x fnaf ABO mpregs for the rest of your life!” he gaggled</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“NOOOOOOO!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that was that.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>